Vicious Cycle
by KhaosKitty
Summary: Ryou had a troubled life. He never saw his father, and he was addicted to playing drums. He needed something to get him out of this pointless cycle. Enter Bakura. Flangst. BxR. ON HIATUS.
1. The Cycle

Hi there, I want to thank everyone that's reviewed my fics! I'm really flattered!

This is my version of Ryous past, it doesn't include any other characters from the series except his family, Bakura (OOC, I want a happy end ::sweatdrop::) and possibly Malik (hikari).

It's my first many chaptered fic, I imagine it will be about 5 chapters long (but I go to boarding school so I can only really update on weekends, sorry!)

It's pretty angsty, but once I include Bakura it'll get a little fluffier. :3

Rated for mild language and possibly other stuff. Hey, I dunno!

Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh and I don't particuarly want to. Can you imagine the paperwork??

-- My Deteriorating Sanity

* * *

"Oi, Ryou, stop doing that. It's pissing me off." hissed the boy sitting behind Ryou, which was followed by a sharp kick behind his shin. 

"Oh, uh.. sorry." he stammered in reply, followed by a smile and a rub of his head.

Without realising it, Ryou had been tapping out the drumbeat to the song 'Girlscout' - by one of his favourite bands, Jack Off Jill - on the edge of his desk.

He was aware that it was irritating to the rest of the class, but he just couldn't supress this need for the lesson to end, for the school day to end, for him to get home, to his _drum kit._

Besides, how was he supposed to concentrate on the lesson anyway?

The stuff this imbecile of a student teacher was attempting to teach was _way_ above Yr 10 level.

"_For fucks sake..._" Ryou thought to himself, "Why should we look up to these so called _authority figures_ when they're so damn _stupid?!_"

He nibbled on his lower lip and resisted a growl of frustration, defiance, and pure anger.

They were all so below him.

These were the feelings Ryou let only his drum kit see, and when he couldn't drum them out they built up and made him stressed, snappy and on edge.

The smallest thing could send him into a flurry of rage.

He just hated the world. It wasn't _his_ fault.

But this was why Ryou _needed_ his drums; he could show them his anger and it never confused or hurt them, they just_ took_ it.

Ryou supposed they understood him.

Or not.

It wasn't as if it mattered.

But drumming wasn't just Ryous therapy, it was his art.

When Amane died, Ryou was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Whenever anger took over him he would just break things.

Pencils, glasses, the occasional plate, whatever took his fancy.

Eventually, when Ryou was eight years old, his father grew tired of accepting Ryous behaviour, and took him to see a therapist.

She was a nice woman, Ryou remembered.

Mixed race, big hips, really bouncy brown hair and a lovely caring smile.

Still, Ryou could never bring himself to speak to her - it just didn't feel right.

He didn't even _know_ this woman, she was a total stranger, why should he tell _her_ his feelings?

He didn't know at the time, but how Ryou felt was patronised.

"Anything this time?" his father would ask at the end of every session,

"No - not yet." she would always reply, followed by a smile overflowing with hope.

Ryous father would then heave out a sigh and avoid Ryous eye.

Of course Ryou felt guilty, but he refused to accept it as his own fault.

Once, when Ryous father was due to pick him up, the therapist struck up a conversation with her silent client.

"Ryou?" she asked.

Ryou locked his own cold, coffee brown eyes with her patchy, moss green ones, as a tight lipped, sarcastic way of communicating something like

"Yes, you have my precious attention, _now_ what are you going to _do_ with it?"

She continued to speak,

"Ryou, I have a client that's a little bit older than you, who also used to be angry, but he uses music to let it out. So when he's angry he has a little go on his guitar. Would you be interested in taking up an instrument?"

Ryou couldn't supress the interest that then graced his angelic features.

"You'd like that then, eh? What instrument then? Trumpet, guitar, flute, drums - "

"Drums... sound good."

That was the first time Ryou ever spoke to her.

She grinned and wrinkled her honey brown nose,

"Okay then, I'll have a little word with your Dad."

And sure enough, a month later Ryou had his own drum kit, and as he sat on the cushioned stool and clutched the sleek new drum sticks, he could feel a great anticipation well up inside of him.

He never had any drum lessons, he taught himself, and he was brilliant - a real natural.

He could go wild on the drums, there were no consequnces.

No emotions except his own, dangerous and weak and needy and fulfilled and tragic and stupid and dirty and pure.

So, from the age of ten, he continued to depend on his drumkit for release of his ugly emotions, and although it didn't exactly fill the constant emptiness he held inside, when he played the drums it distracted him from that cruel feeling: need.

After all, Ryou didn't have many of the things he needed, but when he played the drums all that he could ever want.

Ryou gritted his teeth and stared desperately at the clock.

"Just half an hour..." he thought.

All he ever looked forward to was releasing the anger that built up inside of him when he couldn't release it.

A vicious cycle.

"Just half an hour til it starts again..."

* * *

It's not that great yet, but Bakura will be introduced next chapter! 

Please R&R, I'll probably upload the next chappie next week (maybe... ::sweatdrop::)


	2. Who?

Don't take drugs, kids.

Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh. Or drums. Or Slipknot.

-- My Deteriorating Sanity

* * *

"I PUSH MY FINGERS INTO MY EEEEEYES... It's the only thing, that slowly stops the aaaache..."

Ryou wailed the lyrics to Duality by Slipknot as he drummed it masterfully, not missing a single smash of the hi-hat or strike of the bass.

Such rageful music hardly seemed characteristic of Ryou, being the seemingly innocent boy he was.

He couldn't stand it when others thought of him as so delicate, sweet, something that needed to be handled with care.

He felt pathetic, underestimated.

This was why Ryou liked to make himself seem edgy, different, someone to be avoided.

He would rather costant whispers and yelled comments like 'freak' or 'emo kid', than to be coveted and shielded from reality.

With a last scream of "I'm not gonna make it!!", Ryou lowered his drumsticks and made to change the CD, but stopped.

There was... clapping.

"That was good. Very good."

Once the whitenette brought his head up to see who was applauding, he took a sharp intake of breath.

The man congratulating Ryou was almost a _mirror image_ of himself.

"Hey... there are some differences." he thought to himself, in his haze of stupor.

"This man is... taller than me... perhaps more muscular... his hair is wilder... his eyes are redder... he looks more confident."

"Why thank you, but why not speak to me?" the stranger replied, with a smirk.

Ryou squeaked in shock.

_How could he tell what he was thinking?_

"So you're confused." the man said in a husky tone.

Ryou just stared.

He couldn't speak.

What was there to say?

"Would you like an explanation?" the newcomer offered, with a hint of authority to his voice.

Ryou tried to think rationally,

"There's not much I can do other than accept it. I'm not sure whether to trust him, but..."

He raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat.

"Yes please, but, uh, first of all, what is your name?" he spoke in a polite tone, whilst trying to smile.

The attractive man before Ryou pouted a little.

"You need not know my true name. What you may call me is your yami." he replied.

Ryou blinked, "My dark?".

"Yes, and you are my hikari, my light." this yami said, frankly.

The newly titled hikari shook his head, and smiled the forged smile that he had mastered so many years ago.

"Actually, my name is Ryou Bakura, uh, yami-san."

The yami grinned confidently and brought a finger to Ryous lips, instantly silencing him.

An eternity seemed to pass as Ryou was scrutinized, blushing madly and staring back at the taller man.

"Don't you worry my hikari... I already now most of those details... I think you'll find that we are _quite familiar_ by now..." the dark said, smirking.

Then he reached his hand underneath Ryous chin and kissed him.

* * *

Nya, R&R please mah bay-behs! 


	3. To Trust Or Not To Trust?

Thank you to everyone who's subscribed, I'm flattered!

Please stick with me on this one, I'm gonna try my best:D

Disclaimer:

::Glomps Ryou and Bakura:: I want you two _so much _dammit::Cries::

Bakura: For your information, Ryou is MINE.

Eep... o.O;;

Ryou::Sweatdrop:: Take no notice MDS. ::Kawaii Ryou smile::

Yaaaah! Cuuuuute::Clings to Ryous sweater::

Bakura: MDS... ::Grabs Ryous other sleeve and glares::

::Mutters 'how can I say no to that sexy glare?':: Okay, you win Bakura-sama. :3

Bakura::Huggles Ryou:: I always win. ::Possessive smirk::

They're so cute... but I don't own them. ::sweatdrop::

Okay, back to the story!

* * *

"_Ooooh god..._" Ryou thought.

Here he was, kissing an absolute stranger, but yet he felt wonderful. Perfect.

He felt as if every every particle in his body had gone into meltdown.

He felt passionate, irrational, hot and willing. He had a similar buzz to the one he received when he played the drums.

Their chests were pressed together and Ryous hands were wandering towards the back of the yamis head to deepen the kiss.

But suddenly Ryous drumsticks clattered to the floor, and reality hit him like a sledgehammer.

The euphoria disappeared in an instance.

Ryou shoved the taller man away and stood, breathing heavily.

"Tell me who you are! You can't just enter my own house and assault me! How did you get in? The door was locked!"

This yami just took a step backwards and grinned, licking the corner of his mouth.

"I didn't enter through the door. I've been here for a long time."

Ryous eyes widened.

This couldn't be true.

"I don't care what you have to say! I'm calling the police!"

He hesitated, expecting the intruder to panic and run, but instead he just stood.

"Go ahead, I don't mind. I can easily escape - "

The figure disappeared then reappeared behind Ryou, his arm draping over his shoulder and caressing his chin.

" - But wouldn't you rather I stayed here, hikari?"

Ryou closed his eyes and arched his neck.

"That can't have just happened.." he thought "this is stupid... just _call the police_ Ryou.."

But when he looked into the crimson eyes of this so-called yami he couldn't bring himself to take action.

"So? Wouldn't you?" The taller said with a lustful smirk.

Just that expression sent Ryou into near ecstasy, and caused him to let out a shaky sigh, which confirmed the answer for both himself and the yami behind him.

"Thought so." He said proudly, and planted a kiss on the cheek of his hikari.

Ryou couldn't think anymore. He didn't understand what was happening.

However he didn't need long to ponder this, as his eyes flickered shut and he swayed briefly before collapsing against the body of the yami.

_His_ yami.

"My hikari..." the darker one murmured softly, admiring the unconscious face of his light.

----

Holy Ra... my chapters are so short. -.-"

Bakura: Then put more plot into each chapter, stupid bitch.

::Jawdrops:: Excuse me::Hovers:: I don't like it when Bakura-sama is angry with me... T.T

Ryou: Okay... whaaatever... ::sweatdrops:: 'Kura you're awfully forward in this fic.

Bakura: Hmph, It's not like you can talk yadonushi, submissive or _what? _::Smirk::

Ryou::Blush::

Hehe... :D

R&R please, feedback and tips are super special awesome:3


	4. The Ring

Nya! It's a long chapter! x3

Bakura: Well dooone...

No need for sarcasm. :pout:

Ryou: Well done, MDS!. :smile:

Hehe... _Ryou_, could you do me a little favor?. :smirk:

Ryou: O.o;;

It's just the disclaimer, nothing to worry about!

Ryou: Oh, okay.

Just read this paper.

Ryou:clears throat: MDS does not own me... _Bakura_... owns me? And I want him to... uh... should I really say this??

We all wanna hear it. :D

Ryou: And I... want him to... _do something_ without any, um, mercy.

:Squee:. Kyaaa! x3

Bakura:. :Slaps head: Fucking hell...

* * *

Ryou rubbed his sleepy eyes and stretched.

He had just woken from a deep and dreamless slumber, and captured the last few seconds of simplicity.

For cruel consciousness was soon to spoil the sensation.

He dragged up his vision, his brain following a few seconds behind.

Then it dawned on him.

How had he arrived in his bed?

Why had he been asleep?

For _how long_ had he been asleep?

"Hey."

The eyes that met with Ryous were russet and dark.

_Dark._

It was then that Ryou remembered.

He scowled at his yami.

"How long have I been asleep?" he snapped, angrily but somewhat hesitant.

The now familiar figure inhaled deeply and gave him a sideways glance.

"About three days. You were unconscious."

Ryou furrowed his eyebrows and scrunched his cotton locks as he tried to apprehend.

"_That's right..._" he thought, "This man appeared in the garage while I was drumming... then he _disappeared and reappeared_... then I fainted."

He started to rub his temples, "I'm crazy. I knew it would happen eventually. I've wasted Sunday and two days of school, because I was unconscious, because I've been hallucinating.

"Wait... how did I get to my bed if I was unconscious?" He wondered.

"I took you up here." his dark casually replied to this thought, as he scraped back his wild, snowy hair.

Ryou shook his head, "How could you do that? You're just a hallucination."

The yami raised his eyebrows and flashed that smirk again, "Now hikari, that's not very nice to say. I'm far beyond imagination."

Ryou sighed. He wasn't angry so much as exasperated.

He had grown tired of being mistrusting, what he needed was answers.

"Then what _are_ you, yami-sama?"

He brought his hand to his mouth in mild shock. He had _no idea_ where that 'sama' had come from.

His yami grinned, "Well, it might surprise you since I look so young, handsome, sexy, all that stuff - but _basically_ I'm actually roughly... three thousand years old? Yeah, about that, and I'm _not_ exactly, y'know, _alive_."

Ryou shook his head again in disbelief, "God, I _am _crazy." he thought.

"Continue?"

"I'm a spirit from Egypt. From that ring you wear."

Ryou impulsively fumbled underneath his plain black T-shirt, and unearthed a gold, heavily decorated ring.

It had been a present from his Dad last March.

When he had first received it he was furious.

The card that had come with it read:

'_Dear Ryou,_

_I'm terribly sorry I can't be with you for your 15th, but I hope this present will make amends._

_I found this ring in a market in Gilf Kebir a month ago, the stall owner said that it held great power._

_I know that you like the supernatural, so I thought you might like it it._

_Once again I'm sorry that I can't see you, but I hope you have a good time with your friends._

_I've enclosed another cheque for housekeeping, just call if you need more._

_Seta.'_

If Ryous Dad was ever there for him, he would know that Ryou _had_ no friends to have a 'good time' with.

Ryou had spent his birthday alone, like did every other day.

So he had refused to wear the ring, and threw it into the corner of the garage, in an attempt to break it.

However, he slowly grew attached to it.

At first he would wear it for about five minutes at a time, then he would wear it when he was drumming, then he started wearing it under his school uniform.

But _this... this_ was a surprise.

There was a _three thousand year old spirit_ in the ring?

"_I _am why you grew attached to the ring. You grew attached to _me_." The spirit of the ring stated, once again effortlessly reading Ryous thoughts.

Ryou had to admit, he wouldn't find it too difficult to grow attached to someone that _gorgeous.._.

He then remembered that his thoughts were probably being read, and flushed a deep pink.

"...So how do you know what I am thinking?" Ryou asked the spirit, avoiding his eyes.

His yami paced towards him and sat down in front of him with grace, his piercing, cinnamon red gaze not once leaving Ryous.

"Because I am your yami. I am now a _part of you_, hikari. Yadonushi."

Ryou bit the corner of his lip and averted his eyes floor-wards.

"Uh... okay yami-san. I haven't eaten in three days, so I think I'll get some breakfast now." Ryou said, and plastered on his faux-smile.

His yami furrowed his eyebrows, "Okay... but since I'm you... what would you like to call me?"

Ryou blinked, this question seeming almost normal now, "I suppose... well calling you Ryou Two would just be weird... my last name's Bakura, how does that sound?"

"Bakura..." the darker one said in his low, distinctive voice... "I like it."

Ryou blushed a little and smiled, half genuinely this time.

"Okay Bakura. Well, I'm getting some breakfast now, I'll be back in a bit."

And as Ryou darted out of the door following this strange, strange conversation, he had no intention of eating, even after three days.

He grasped his drumsticks, shrugged on a black and green hoodie and made his way to the garage.

* * *

Please R&R, for the sake of Ryou and Bakura's luurrve!

Ryou and Kura:. :Rolls eyes:


	5. Discontinued

**To All Those Who Have Reviewed Or Favourited This Fic...**

I have to apologise, but I am discontinuing it.

Permanently.

My reasoning is that I honestly have zero inspiration for it,

because this take on Ryou and Bakura's relationship is interesting, but

_makes no sense._

I have a plan for the series, so if you really want to you may take up this fic,

and hopefully improve it, since what I've written is frankly four chapters of drivel.

I honestly want to thank you guys,

and say sorry...

I've been mulling over it for a good few months. :sweatdrop:

Being a bit of a n00b, I don't know whether to take the fic down yet or not...

little help? :double sweatdrop:

If you want a look at my decent writing you could have a look at my oneshots,

such as **I Bet I Can Make You Smile,**

**Of Blood, Sex And Elbows,**

**and Wrists.**

Thank you! :)

_KhaosKitty_


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